Some people think we should all be vegetarians. And some honestly think we should all be cannibals. Except that some people want to take us back to the dark past, can you think of a better reason someone will add a bonus of human finger to your food?
We don’t know about you, but we really, really prefer being a vegetarian to being cannibals. This is not to encourage you to be a cannibal, but there is nothing wrong if you want to. We can’t stop you, can we? Just know that the police will be on your case real hard and the law will make your life a living hell.
Anyway, if you aren’t afraid of the police and still want to have a cannibalistic fun, it is good we let you know the value of what you are about to eat. It has been discovered that the human flesh tastes like pork and has low level of calories.
We know you have always wanted to know what human flesh tastes like; you want to know if it has any nutritional value, but thoughts of the miserable life you’ll live in a maximum security prison precluded you from ripping apart your naughty neighbor and storing the naughty twerp’s flesh in the freezer as meal. Now, you know all you wanted to know without using your naughty neighbor for your cannibalistic experiment. We saved the day!
We have decided to stop messing with you. Here is the listicle you came here for.
June 8 2004
Something in David Scheiding craved for a chicken sandwich. Never deny yourself the pleasure of settling a responsible craving, they say. David wasn’t going to do that. He strolled into Arby’s to get what he craved, and then the greatest discovery in human history was made: some species of poultry (chickens) grow human flesh. You probably thought that was true, right? Poor you! You have a poor knowledge of evolution. Arrrgh!
We are just messing with you. The story continues. What happened was that David found what he called and described as “piece of flesh about three-fourths of an inch long,” in his chicken sandwich. Accidents will always happen. Report had it that a manager at Arby’s accidentally sliced skin from his own thumb while shredding lettuce. He sanitized the area but didn’t throw away the bin of lettuce. David got smart. He rejected a settlement offer and sued the fast food restaurant for more than $50,000. If we were in David’s shoes, too, we can’t promise you that we will let the matter slide. Winks.
22 March 2005
When you are tired of being broke you don’t leave your brain useless; you rack it severely (yeah, you may have to rack that dude mercilessly because on the average, it functions on just 10 watts of energy) so it can come up with a route that will take you out of your poverty. That’s exactly what Anna Ayala and her husband did. Ana and her husband were broke, but movers and shakers at Wendy’s were rich. Maybe making Wendy’s cough out some millions of dollars is just fair. After all, those people have more money than they know what to do with it. But making Wendy’s cough out some millions won’t be easy. What’s the perfect way out?
Anna’s husband had a colleague who owed him money. One day, the colleague lost his finger in an industrial accident. Bad luck? No. Not really! Why? Anna’s husband offered to clear his colleague’s debt by buying the severed finger. Anna and her husband tried to rip Wendy’s off by planting the finger in a meal from Wendy’s and then sue Wendy’s. You see how much they racked their brains? Anyway, it was all working as they had planned, until they were busted. Edward J. Davila, the judge, ordered the couple to pay about $21 million in restitution to Wendy’s, sentenced Placencia, Anna’s husband, to 12 years and 4 months. Anna was sentenced to 9 years. Plan went sour. End of story.
Other cases of severed finger found in food in 2005
11 May 2012
Spoiler: it’s Arby’s again.
It was a Friday. Veil, Joe Wheaton; her friend, Ryan; veil’s eighth-grader son, and an 11-year-old lad who is Ryan’s brother, were feeling a little bit famished. So, the four of them visited Arby’s and ordered for sandwiches. Mistake. They started doing the necessary next thing to the sandwiches. As Ryan took a last bite on his sandwich, something felt like a rubber in his mouth. It is a rubber, Ryan thought. No. He was wrong. He spit it out! Did you guess what it was? Yes, it was a piece of human finger! Filthy freaking finger!
Since Ryan and his mummy (Veil) aren’t cannibals, Veil called the police. Police inquiries showed that an employee cut herself with a meat slicer and left the kitchen without telling anyone what happened. Does the employee deserve empathy or the sack? Shut up and stop judging! Leave the judgment to Arby’s. Move to the next story, please.
Sorry, we almost forgot to tell you that “Vail and Wheaton estimated the portion [finger] was about an eighth to a quarter inch thick and maybe an inch or more long.”
Of course there are other cases, but we don’t want to bore you with stories that look alike. That’s why it’s “a very brief history”. Bye!